


It Ain't Right, If You Ain't Lost Your Mind

by jniels15



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Heartache, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-05-14 16:53:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5750914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jniels15/pseuds/jniels15
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Falling in love was easy for Tyler.</p><p>Watching Jamie have a girlfriend was tearing his heart to pieces.<br/>----<br/>Or, Jamie in an all black suit finally makes Tyler lose his mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Ain't Right, If You Ain't Lost Your Mind

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first one I've ever written here. I hope it matches up to any of the other Tyler/Jamie ones on here.
> 
> Title from Hunter Hayes - I Want Crazy

He’d been pouting and he knew it. Tyler Seguin was never one to squander his feelings, but instead opted to let them run wild, no matter who they affected. He knew he had no right to act the way he’d been, but he was starting to think he couldn’t help it at this point. 

Jamie was a lot of things to Tyler. Best friend, linemate, and captain were just a few, but there was one that Tyler liked to keep to himself; the one he knew he couldn’t tell anyone, but the one that, with close observation apparently, Demers had found out. He never mentioned that he knew Tyler was in love with Jamie, and Tyler was forever grateful for that. He knew what something like that could do to both their reputations, and careers really, so he hid it. Tyler had thought he was doing it well, too, but he was starting to stumble with it. Seeing Jamie happily dating was slowly killing Tyler inside, and he could feel his heart strings snapping one by one as the months ticked by of them being together.

Light streams through the window of Tyler’s bedroom that morning, successfully waking him up before his alarm. He rolls over, trying to bury himself into his pillows and sheets, hoping to shake the dream he’d just been having. Marshall would get up, stretching and yawning, from the foot of the bed, realizing that Tyler was up. Marshall comes around to the side of the bed and sticks his nose under the blanket, his wet nose shocking Tyler’s soft, warm skin. Tyler would let out a little yelp, sitting up on his forearms. 

“C’mon, Marsh, I was comfy. Go downstairs,” he grumbles, voice still thick with sleep. 

Almost sensing it was another bad day, Marshall hangs his head and does what he’s told. Tyler sits up on the edge of his bed, and glances down at his lap. He groans, a whine running heavily through the noise. The dream with Jamie in it had definitely been nothing less than what Tyler imagined most nights, with his hand wrapped around himself, and he now would need a quick, cold shower before heading out for the day. He reaches over to grab his phone, planning on shutting his alarm off, but instead sees a message from Jamie.

‘Didn’t stay at my place last night. Is it cool if I cancel the carpool today? Thanks bud.’ 

He reads it, a scowl forming quickly. “Of fucking course you stayed there,” he mumbles to himself, tossing the phone onto the bed, and heading to the bathroom. He showers quickly, not wanting to waste any more of his morning. As he drives to the rink, he’s left alone with far too many thoughts, and none are welcomed considering he’s about to go deal with Jamie for the next two hours and be expected to fall into the ‘best buddies’ routine that was so easy before she came around in Jamie’s life.

The rink is busy when Tyler finally pulls into his spot. He knew he’d be one of the later ones arriving when he got there, but it seems extra busy. It also could do with the fact that any amount of people is more than Tyler cares to deal with today. As he walks into the rink, Demers is heading there at a similar pace.

“Hey, hot shot! How are you?” Demers greets him cheerfully. He’s met with the scowl Tyler was afraid was starting to become permanent, and despite the sunglasses covering his eyes, Demers knows Tyler isn’t up to par for the day. “Uh oh… What’s wrong?” 

“I lost my carpool today, you know, the small amount of time I still get alone with him, because he can’t keep it in his fucking pants and stayed at her place,” he says, shaking his head quickly at how upset he lets himself get over it. 

“I’m sorry, man,” Demers says, clapping him on the shoulder. “I know it’s hard for you. I wish there was something I could do for ya.”

“Make him fall in love with me,” Tyler snorts, laughing at his own joke. 

It’s a sick and twisted world Tyler is stuck living in. Occasionally, he wishes he was still in Boston. At least Marchy gave him all the attention he could ever want. 

Tyler hauls himself into the locker room, shuffling his feet behind Demers the whole way. Luckily, Demers leaves him be and breaks off for his stall once they’re behind the big green doors. Jamie is already there, of course, and is basically dressed for practice, minus his jersey and helmet. He throws Tyler a big smile that Tyler can only meet halfway. 

“Segs, my boy!” Jamie calls, his accent thick to Tyler’s ears, the words making his neck and cheeks turn red. 

He loves Jamie’s accent, and his bottom lip that’s always so pouty and full, and… He shakes his head a little and stops himself from staring. 

“Chubbs, what the fuck do you want?” Tyler throws back, failing to bite back a grin. He never does hold himself well around his captain. Jamie meets him with a big laugh, the corners of his eyes crinkling a little from it. “Spare me the details you gross, old man.”

Jamie catches his breath from his laughing fit, patting his hip. “Let’s just say they haven’t taken me out of business yet.” 

While Jamie thinks he was hilarious, Tyler’s mind flies to what he wishes he knew. He wants nothing more than to know what it’s like to be pinned to a bed and writhing under Jamie’s touch. Instead of responding, Tyler collects himself and gets changed quickly for practice. As he’s pulling his jersey over his head, he realizes Jamie is still with him. He glances over at the slightly taller man who is rocking back and forth on his blades, looking like he’s ready to say something. Tyler simply quirks an eyebrow at him, causing Jamie to smile.

“So do you have an outfit?” he asks about something Tyler can’t quite figure out.

“Huh?” is all he manages to say. He’s racking his brain for something, anything, and then it hits him straight in the gut. “Casino Night…”

He sees Jamie nodding and smiling, talking about something he can’t quite catch. Tyler can practically see Jamie’s tongue catch on his back teeth, his speech impediment filtering in to Tyler’s ears, but not registering. All he can think of is Jamie in a gorgeous, fitted suit with the person he never wanted to see again, locked on his arm. Tyler feels his mouth go dry and that all-too-familiar tugging that his heart was starting to get used to. Tears prick the corners of his eyes for some reason and he clears his throat, stopping Jamie mid-sentence.

“Right, yeah,” he nods quickly. “I’ll be there.”

His smile is so forced it hurts, but the baby of the Benn’s takes it in stride. Sometimes Tyler is grateful he fell in love with a big idiot, but other times he wished Jamie was just a smidge more observant of things. Tyler grabs his helmet and gloves, hurrying out into the hall and grabbing his stick on the way to the ice. 

Tyler skates hard. He doesn’t want to think about it, about anything. He wants his emotions back in check, and most of all, he wants his best friend back. He’s sure Jamie doesn’t realize it, but Jamie’s girlfriend keeps him pretty busy. Tyler doesn’t even know the last time they hung out at one another’s house to just watch sports and drink beers. His thoughts put a lump in his throat again that he swallows quickly.

“Segs!” 

He hears Jamie call as he gets close the locker room, though he just wants to change, shower, and leave as quickly as possible. He stops and rotates a little, glancing back with a tight smile on his face.

“Do we want to carpool to the thing tonight? You know, since the event isn’t really that close to home,” he says, giving Tyler those big brown doe eyes.

Tyler opens his mouth to speak, but gets saved as Demers comes over, wrapping an arm around his waist. 

“Sorry, captain. We’ve got our carpool set up. Why don’t you and Jordie just take your girls?” Demers says, sounding a little snotty. 

Tyler’s eyebrows raise from the tone he hears, wondering why Demers is so defensive suddenly. Jamie realizes it too, just nodding a little.

“Uh, sure. Just figured I’d check with you,” he says quietly before moving to the locker room. 

Demers drops his arm and sighs, giving Tyler an apologetic smile.

“Sorry. I know you don’t want to be in that situation, and I’m honestly sick of him not even realizing you don’t like her. Trust me when I say you and I aren’t the only ones on the team who see that she just wants his publicity.”

Tyler doesn’t know what to say, his jaw going a little slack as he tries to form words. He nods dumbly, just glad someone was looking out for him in Dallas. He gets himself to his stall, feeling a little light headed. He strips down and heads for the showers, not noticing who was around him. He stands under the spray, making sure it’s hot enough to turn his skin a light pink all over. He lets the water run over his face, rubbing it with his hands roughly. He doesn’t realize someone is calling his name until he feels the edge of towel whip his ass cheek abruptly. 

“Hey!” he screams a little, turning around quickly. 

He’s face to face with Jamie who is still stark naked. Tyler’s breath catches in his throat and he doesn’t even bother stopping himself from a once over. Jamie laughs a little, shifting his weight to his other leg.

“Up here,” he says with a smile on his face. “Are you okay today? You seem really out of it.”

Tyler nods, again, “Yeah, I’m fine. Why?” 

He hears his tone sound a little sharp, hating that this is what they’d become. Jamie hears it, too, suddenly more aware of Tyler’s emotions than he’d been in weeks. The corners of his mouth tug down quickly, his smile gone as fast as Tyler’s words had come out.

“I just… I know you’ve been in your own world quite a bit lately. Didn’t want you thinking you couldn’t talk to me anymore,” he responds in an even tone. 

Tyler knew he was referring to the incident with Demers. He only wonders if Jamie realizes that’s the two of them used to act. Mostly, he wants to kick and scream and demand that Jamie makes more time for him. He wants him to get drunk and lay his head down in Tyler’s lap like he did last year after they were knocked out of the playoffs. Tyler just wanted more of the moments that had made him fall in love with Jamie, but instead someone else got those chances.

Tyler gives Jamie one more shrug, hoping he’ll just leave. Jamie looks like he may say something more, but instead turns and walks out, wrapping the towel he’d just snapped Tyler in the ass with around his own waist. With a shiver from what happened, he turns around and shuts the shower off, slowly grabbing his own things and heading back for his stall. Jamie would be gone and Tyler would let out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding.

He gets dressed, running on autopilot the whole way home. Even though he blanked on what Jamie was saying earlier, he at least had a suit ready for Casino Night. It had been fun the year before, and he and Jamie had been connected at the hip almost the entire time. He was aware that it wouldn’t be the same this year, just like he was realizing a lot of things weren’t the same anymore with them. 

With enough of a time gap between when practice had let out and when he needs to start getting ready, he decides he could use a nap. 

He drifts off restlessly, rolling himself into his covers. His mind takes over quickly and throws him into a rude dream world where Jamie is actually his. They’re together, and no one cares. They take the dogs on walks, live together, and everything seems perfect. But just like in reality, his dreams can’t be that happy. Tyler sees her come back and talk to Jamie, instantly convincing him what a bad idea it was for him to be with a teammate. She talks him right out of Tyler’s arms, leaving Tyler crying and begging for Jamie to come back to him. 

Tyler wakes with a startle as his phone’s alarm goes off, telling him he’s slept long enough. His chest hurts and his breathing comes in big heaves. He runs a hand through his hair, and grips his blankets to try and bring himself to focus on something. He finally gets his heart to stop racing for a minute, and looks at his phone. He sees a text from Jamie and curses whoever decided he should wake up to a text from that boy twice in one day.

‘Is an all black outfit acceptable? I didn’t get time to ask you what to wear this year.’

Tyler swallows hard at the thought of Jamie in all black, and quickly thumbs back a response to keep his emotions in check.

‘Sure. Black is slimming’ he sends with a smirk on his face as he does it. 

Jamie’s response comes a couple minutes later, Tyler staring at the screen the entire wait.

‘Hahah screw you. Don’t get wine drunk this year, ok?’

Tyler can’t help but smile at the screen, remembering he made Jamie carry him inside last year, claiming he couldn’t get out of the car. He’s glad that’s one memory that hadn’t gotten replaced.

‘I won’t! At least you love me when I’m drunk.’ he sends back before he can even realize what he’s said. 

He was just rolling with the jokes, but as he reads it a second and third time he feels a knot in his stomach. He watches his phone screen closely and finally the typing bubble pops up. Luckily, he gets off easy with this one.

‘You know we’re the bestest of friends. I always love you.’ 

The message makes Tyler’s heart ache, and he closes his eyes tightly, remembering the same phrase coming from their ESPN interview. He drops the phone next to him and curls into the fetal position. He lets himself wallow in his own pity for a few minutes before checking the time and realizing he needs to get going. His closet seems too far away, so Tyler walks into his bathroom and strips down to his underwear before starting to get ready.

Once his hair is all done, and he’s trimmed his beard up a little, he gets his suit on, making sure everything is just right. As he fixes his cufflinks he hears Demers yelling his name from downstairs. He walks to the top of his stairs and smiles down them. 

“How nice of you to let yourself in. What the fuck are you wearing?” He says and starts to laugh.

Jason is at the bottom, smiling right back up and wearing a pink suit coat. He shrugs like it’s no big deal.

“You worry about yourself, Segs, I look good. You look… Well at least you like a man with less fashion sense than yourself.”

Tyler drops his jaw like he’s offended. Jamie may be terrible with dressing himself, but Tyler does a pretty damn good job, if he may say so himself.

“Yeah, shut up. I’ll be down in a minute,” he says, rolling his eyes and going to get shoes and a watch. 

Once he feels like he’s got all his shit together he heads downstairs and finds Demers leaning against the island. He smiles at Tyler and that’s the only interaction that occurs between them before they head out. Tyler stays quiet, caught up in his own mind as the freeway flies by his passenger seat window. They pull into the Stars’ designated parking and Demers hesitates before getting out.

“You sure you’re ready for this?” he asks, looking at him and trying to gauge his emotions. 

Tyler just nods, giving Demers a “yep”, and slides out of the car. 

The building is loud and busy, people milling about every which way. There’s so many people that for a second Tyler thinks he won’t really have to see Jamie much that night, but he is so so wrong. As soon as he gets five steps into the building he’s being shuffled behind a big curtain. Apparently they have to do some sort of introductions to the public before they can go do their things. Once he’s around the curtain he looks around and that’s when he sees him.

His stomach does a somersault and he feels himself staring again. Jamie is a few feet away, standing next to his brother and talking to Patrick Sharp. Tyler swallows hard and decides he should probably try and act semi-normal in front of so many people. Jamie looks over Sharp’s shoulder and grins as he sees Tyler. The little action tugs on Tyler’s heart, pulling a smile across his face to match.

“You look way fancier than me,” Jamie says, tugging on the lapels of Tyler’s coat. He’s blushing and trying to knock Jamie’s hands down off him.

“Yeah, I bought it just for this. Thought it was nice, but not too fancy,” he shrugs. “You look good, too, though.”

He reaches up and fixes Jamie’s collar absentmindedly, though Jamie tips his head up to give him access. The small moment is something that doesn’t go unnoticed by Tyler. He’d give anything to fix Jamie’s collar every day they had a game or press event.

“Yeah, you look good tonight,” he says quietly, looking up and meeting Jamie’s eyes. 

He’s met with big brown eyes that seem to realize something, but he just gives Tyler a tight lipped smile.

“Thanks, Ty,” he responds in just as low of a volume.

It’s a private moment, despite everyone around them, and Tyler’s heart almost bursts at the nickname Jamie only uses when it’s just the two of them. He stays close, but Jamie steps back first. They’re getting lined up for introductions, and then the night will proceed. Tyler knows what just happened is the closest he’ll get to Jamie for the remainder of their time there. He takes it, though, because those moments don’t happen anymore.

The announcer starts calling names, and the line of people move up. He and Jamie are the last two, of course, and he puts on his perfectly media friendly smile as he walks out on to the stage. He starts running on autopilot again, talking to people he needs to show face to, and grabbing a drink at the first chance that seems reasonable.  
He moves around the building, not really doing anything in particular. He sits down at a poker table and lets the press get a few shots in as he plays against Coach Ruff. He legitimately enjoys himself with it, but gets up again after a little while.

He rounds a corner at one point and doesn’t like what he sees. In fact, there’s a slight glare that meets him, and it causes his heart to pull again. She’s got one hand tight around Jamie’s bicep, the other clutching a fruity looking little drink. Tyler takes a slightly large gulp of his own before trying to walk past the group. Sure, he likes Jordie and he loves seeing Jamie, but he doesn’t want to see Jamie with her. He thinks he’s almost by them when an arm grabs his. 

“Are you really about to walk by without even saying hello?” Jordie says, a little laugh in his tone.

Tyler looks at him and smiles, glad that’s the one who stopped him. He’s turned away from the rest of the group and he’s giving Tyler a slightly concerned look, not far off from the one Jamie had given him before introductions. Tyler starts to feel small under Jordie’s gaze, shrinking back a little.

“Sorry, I just… I need to go find someone,” he stutters out and pulls away quickly. 

As he’s walking away he hears her not-so-quietly whisper to Jamie, ‘glad you don’t hang out with him much anymore. Weirdo.’ The words sting Tyler’s chest and he’s starting to gasp for breaths. He’s officially scared now that people know, and he needs to find some privacy fast.

He downs the rest of his drink and sets it on a table as he walks by, seeing a room with a sign on it, designating it for ‘Players and Staff Only’. He pushes the door open and gladly finds it empty. He starts to pace back and forth, feeling himself coming undone. He’s muttering to himself under his breath and pushing his hands through his hair, and it causes him to not hear the door open.

As he turns around, mid-pace, he catches sight of Jamie. He frowns and lets out a whiny ‘noooo’, turning back away from the concerned look he’s getting. He’s walking towards a wall when two strong arms wrap around his chest from behind, pulling him into Jamie’s solid body.

“No!” Tyler yells a little, trying to push off Jamie and get away from him. 

He feels desperate suddenly and too close for comfort. Jamie holds tight to him though, walking them both towards the wall. Tyler feels hot tears start to stream down his cheeks and he’s still pushing back against Jamie, even as he collides with the wall.

“Stop it. Calm down, Ty,” Jamie whispers to him, running his nose along the shell of Tyler’s ear.

“No, get off me! Let me go right now. I don’t want you here. You can’t see me like this,” he sputters out, a couple tears falling into his mouth, and tasting like defeat.

“You need to talk to me. I don’t know what you’re fucking problem is lately, but I can’t help you if you don’t talk!”

“I don’t want to talk to you! I can’t tell you anything, because it just gets back to her. You wouldn’t want to hear it anyways,” he grunts, stepping one leg between Jamie’s and trying to push himself off the wall again.

His arms are still pinned to his side though and all it does it push Jamie’s hips against Tyler’s ass, causing him to shiver and let a choked sob out.

“Breathe, Ty. I need you to breathe,’ Jamie coaches him. “You can tell me, I promise.”

“I hate her. She only wants you for the publicity. I guarantee she won’t stick around once things get tough or she gets a bigger contract.”

The words seem to soften Jamie up just long enough for Tyler to get his arms up and push them apart. He takes a few steps from Jamie and sees his eyes welling with tears of their own. Tyler tries to wipe at his own, but realize they aren’t stopping any time soon.

“Is that what this is all about? I know you don’t like her, and honestly, I don’t know how much longer I want to stay with her. I don’t think I have the right feelings for her.”  
Tyler looks over at Jamie, pressing his tongue against the side of his cheek. 

“You’ve got more you need to tell me though. I know you do,” he says quietly, walking towards Tyler again, but much slower this time.

Tyler watches him carefully, but doesn’t move. He stares straight at Jamie’s chest once they’re too close and he feels Jamie’s thumb brushing against his cheekbone.

“Don’t you trust me, Ty?” he murmurs.

“I do,’ Tyler chokes out quietly, the tears making his voice thick with emotions. 

Jamie catches a tear as it falls, wiping it away. Tyler takes a deep breath.

“I want to go back to Boston,” he says, but once it’s out it tastes bitter in his mouth.

“No, you don’t,” he gets corrected, because of course Jamie knows better.

“Please don’t treat me differently if I tell you the truth,” Tyler says quietly, finally looking up at the man he’d fallen so hard for over the last couple years.

“I would never dream of it,” Jamie says softly.

Tyler takes a deep breath and grabs onto Jamie at his sides, trying to steady himself by rolling the fabric of Jamie’s coat between his fingers.

“I’m in love with you,” he finally admits out loud.

He swears the weight of the world is taken off his shoulders, but the silence that follows brings it crashing back down. Jamie’s fingertips dig into Tyler’s shoulders a little and his expression is blank.

“You really need to say something, Jame,” he mumbles, starting to panic.

Suddenly a little laugh bubbles out of Jamie’s lips. Tyler looks at him like he’s crazy, but he’s shaking with laughter by then. He pulls Tyler into a big hug suddenly and it catches the younger man completely off guard.

“Oh, no shit, Ty,” he finally says. “Why did you wait so long to tell me?”

Tyler pulls back and looks at him like he’s crazy, but instead sees the softest expression he’s ever that’s ever crossed Jamie’s face.

“You can’t exactly tell your best friend and captain that you’re in love with him,” he’d say, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Does it make it easier if he feels the same way?”

Tyler’s heart jumps, starting to pound in his chest. He’s convinced Jamie must be able to feel it with their proximity. He can’t seem to string a coherent sentence together so, as usual, Jamie saves the day for him.

He leans down, pressing his lips to Tyler’s carefully, like he’s afraid he might run off. When he’s met with an eager press back he pulls Tyler flush against him, and kisses him like his life depends on it. Tyler moves his arms around Jamie’s neck and plays with the ends of his hair, smiling into the kiss. 

Jamie finally pulls back, a smile taking up his whole face. Tyler’s matches, and they both giggle at each other a little.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize I’ve been putting you through the ringer so much lately,” Jamie apologizes, sounding genuinely upset. 

Tyler quickly shakes his head, kissing Jamie’s jaw a couple times. 

“No, don’t worry about it. It wasn’t an easy situation, and honestly, I didn’t know what I’d be getting as a response so I kept it to myself.”

“I could have told you though. As soon as I started dating again I realized it wasn’t really what I wanted. We were perfect as friends and we could have so easily transitioned into something more. I think that scared me though so I tried really hard to date a girl, and it really didn’t work,” he explains, looking at Tyler through the whole thing.

“I’m glad you finally came after me. I thought tonight was the last straw. I don’t know what I was going to do if I kept having to see you with her,” he frowns.

Jamie tip his head up a little, putting a finger under his chin. He kisses him gently, and leans his forehead on Tyler’s after.

“You won’t ever have to know. I’m all yours now if you want me,” he gives Tyler a soft smile, dimples prominent, that yet again steals Tyler’s heart.

“Of course I do. I’d have to be crazy to say no to you,” he bites his lip, tangling his hand in Jamie’s hair. 

They kiss again, turning the neediness up a notch. Once Jamie has Tyler pressed back into a wall and his leg up between Tyler’s he pulls back, and tries to catch his breath.

“We should get out of here. It’s just about over anyways.”

Tyler nods, glad Jamie’s the voice of reason, because Tyler would have let him pound him into the table on the other side of the room if it had gone that far.

Jamie steps back, but reaches out a hand for Tyler to grab. Tyler laces his fingers through Jamie’s. He can’t believe how his day managed to switch around, but he never imagined he’d feel his heart swelling with so much love and happiness just from holding someone’s hand. He feels somewhat invincible, standing there next to Jamie. It’s a feeling he thinks he can get used to.

Jamie leads them out into the public eye, but no one seems to flinch when they see their star players holding hands. Jamie marches over to Jordie, who immediately notices. Demers is by his side and the sight makes his whole face beam. Jordie gives them a proud smile, nodding at Tyler, and letting him know the look he gave him before was right on target.  
Jamie would quickly murmur something to Jordie that Tyler only caught little parts of. ‘Take her for me… I’ll explain… Yeah, same…’ were all included, but he couldn’t care less about what they were saying. He just knew that Jamie was doing this to take him home, and that had adrenaline flying through his veins. 

They walk away and Jamie fishes his keys out of his pocket, heading out to the parking lot to find his SUV. When they got close he’d stick by Tyler’s side, opening the door for him and helping him into his seat. He knew that Tyler was perfectly capable of doing it all by himself, but this was his boy now, and he wanted to show him how much he cared.

Jamie gets in on his side and starts the car. He buckles up and looks over at Tyler with an expression Tyler can only presume is contentment.

“You ready to go home, baby?”

Tyler smiles, grabbing Jamie’s hand again. 

“I think that sounds perfect,” he says, and he knows that Jamie means his house, in Dallas, but to Tyler, Jamie will always be home.


End file.
